JAWC Volume 2 : Suicidal Thoughts Journal. You ever get the feeling that maybe one day you don't want to wake up and hope that you die in your sleep?... I mean, it's not suicidal thoughts as much as it is the thought that maybe if you died things would be better... like exponentially better if you were to have died in your sleep... I mean, there's nothing wrong with thinking like that right?... I mean, after all... if you were to no longer exist you wouldn't have to put up with anything or anyone anymore... and quite frankly, that's not all that bad sounding... cause let's face it, sometimes it's not that bad an idea... However I would like to put up a disclaimer that suicide is wrong... it's a brave way out of a situation, but it's not good... I mean, c'mon... facing all the shit that's troubling you is so much more noble... what a load of shit... face all that crap? all the surmounting pain and anguish? all the things that keep pushing you down and down further into a madness that you feel that there's no escape from?... who the hell would want to deal with that? I guess that's why they say it's stronger to survive than to up and kill yourself... after all, it's gotta take some kinda person to deal with all the shit that's coming at'cha... a strong individual that's good at dealing with all the horror of life and all the pain of living... I envy those type of people... me I'm just a coward who's afraid of killing himself... I mean, who the hell really wants to press that knife to their arm?... then again, I guess that's why you see more people down a whole bottle of pills... but that's more of a cry for help... stomach pump people... listen, you wanna kill youself you gotta have the guts to make sure they can't save you... and that's where I fail at it... I don't want to feel the pain before I die... I just want to drift away, feel nothing and just accept that I'm no longer alive... no pain, no suffering, no dealing with the people around me, no dealing with the things that can't be changes and no dealing with the fact that I can't do anything about the things in my life... just a chance to stop having to worry and stop the paranoia of life and the fact that people can't be trusted... just me and death... I don't really know what I want to get across out of this journal and at the same time I realize that this may advocate suicide... but hey... if chicks can claim abortion is their right to choose because it's their own body.. why not let people up and kill themselves?... it's their body after all... and it's not like they're killing an unborn child, they're just killing themselves... they're not taking anybody else with them.. they're just stopping themselves from having to deal with all the shit that's happening around them... Anyhow... life sucks, and I know that I won't kill myself... regardless of how wonderful the idea may seem... I won't do it... cause I don't want to feel pain before I go... I already feel enough pain enduring life as it is... personally, I want to go out like a candle... just here one second and with a puff of breath... gone. Welcome To It... - Tiki Man