Welcome to The SoapBox!! Yes... This is the "Soap Box"... which means I can put anything I want here and not give a damn what you think. It is decisions that define our actions. This statement is true, without making choices we are unable to know what it is that we are going to do... such is the case I had to deal with... I debated with my self, weighing out the options and possibilities and in order to make the right decision I had to go to the past events which led up to the decision. Understanding what a person says and what a person means are two entirely different things, this is one of my problems when talking to people.. in real life it's difficult to know because the person is saying it to your face at that moment... but on instant messenger... that isn't the case, people are able to read what they write and then see if that's what they want to send to the other person... thus nullifying the "what I meant"... it's because of this that I have to go on what I read versus what they inflect and infer... so events took place that brought about the decision because of this problem also... The past has a funny way of creeping up on you.. what you say or do, how you react... overall the past sucks major... regardless of that fact, the past also lets us reflect on what the person said and derive a conclusion of what to do. When I found out that the person wasn't going to go to the con I made other arrangements to go, the person who took me in was overly generous and kind to do that... then the person that said they weren't going to the con, then says they are going... so I was left in a quandry... what was I to do?... I made my decision based on my monetary status, and soon after telling the person that said they weren't and then were that I was going to room with the generous and kind person that would take me in... I learn that he decided not to go after all. So I was glad I made the right choice after all... otherwise I would become a real jerk to the person that was kind enough to take me in... so it worked out... or so I thought. Time rolls by and everything seems normal, the decisions were made and I knew that I would be at artist alley... however the con reared up and let me know that I could get a half table after all!... what great news!... and then I learn that the person that wasn't going also got a table, and decided to go after all... Contradictions were confusing and nothing made sense but I didn't realise that until I was able to sleep on all this information... How could someone who said that they were, weren't, were, weren't suddenly be going again... which means simply I was lied to... because most likely if I knew this person was going from the get go, I wouldn't have contacted the other person who was generous and kind to take me in , and most likely have been roomed with that person because there was a straight decision from the beginning. But things didn't work out that way, arguments flared when I said I had accepted the half table and then I learn they are going and want me to share the table with them... but then it became conditional that I was roomed with them... because after explaining I was still rooming with the kind and generous person who took me in, the person said that he wouldn't be able to make it cause it would cost too much. Now with that information I said I would then keep my table to which the person said, "whatever man"... this is a clear indication that this person will not be attending because of financial difficulties... so the argument occured and this was the end of it, and so I logged off... So when I log back in couple hours later, I relay the message that I accepted the table and I'm asked why... this to me was upsetting because the person obviously forgot the prior conversations we had about the con... and acted that his way was best... so more argument occurs I'm getting more flustered and insulted... I don't appreciate being told what I will do or why I can't state things, especially when the reasons are based on nothing more than preconceptions... another reason why I don't get close to people... I'm being judged because I was open with the person... that's not right, but makes the statement that 98% of the population looks down on other people, because that's what it felt like... as if I was being looked down on for trying to be independent and seeing that the trend of this person was to cancel and then not.... so what am I to expect? the person was wishy-washy from the start and in the end it was best that I take the half table and work it on my own in case worst case scenario was that he once again cancelled... which was the impression from the last chat session before this one. So finally I say that I'll sleep on it because I was flustered and needed to sleep on it... and then I log off... So in the end I finally decided to keep the table... throughout my life I've been shafted by people who are unable to make a clear concise decision... this time I'm no longer going to be held back by my own inhibitions, it's time to throw caution to the wind and make a break for it... however, I see this as a sign that things are breaking down and I should look for a new home... although I've been informed that I'm allowed to stay here, I can only sense it's a matter of time before more things go awry... so if anyone knows where I can get good hosting fairly cheap, send me an email...? OMGTKB (Ben) Going to AnthroCon as a dealer... visit and buy something